Phoenix Raito
by Aisu The Spiffy
Summary: When Raito is finally arrested due to evidence uncovered by two bumbling detectives, will the help of Phoenix Wright, patron of hopeless defenses, be enough? Phoenix WrightxDeath Note crossover, rated for some death and sex jokes, total crack.
1. Bonding Through Incompetence

A/N: I am still not entirely certain what I was on when I came up with this idea, much less turned it into a full-blown fanfiction.

It's set shortly after Phoenix Wright 1, and near the end of Death Note Volume 10. We're ignoring actual years for the sake of making this work. For the purposes of humor (Raier L sounds better than Lier L, no matter how true the latter is), Light will be referred to as Raito.

Credit for help and inspiration goes primarily to my schoolfriend, whom I'll just call Eru. He looks and sits like L, so it fits. In addition, inspiration also came from images posted to a website I frequent, so to whoever drew Mikami as Edgeworth, I offer you my thanks.

And now, on with the crack.

---

Gumshoe couldn't have been happier.

He had been on the force for more years than he could count, but this was something new, something wonderful.

_He was working with someone who was more incompetent than him._

For the first time, the chief wouldn't always go after him by default! There was a human barricade between himself and the anger of his superiors.

This barrier, a young, black-haired, nervous-looking man, was currently intently studying what appeared to be a steak.

"Are you sure we should be taking time off to eat, Detective Gumshoe?" he asked.

"Hey, all the leads will still be there after a good meal," Gumshoe reassured him. "Don't worry about it, Machoda."

"Matsuda."

"Whichever."

---

It had all started about a month ago, when the Chief furtively called Gumshoe into his office. Gumshoe had been in there only a few times, mostly in order to be reprimanded. The office was small and crowded, and most of the walls were covered in news clippings and schematic diagrams of the Blue Badger. In a concession to the new order of the world, however, one wall bore a black banner with the word "KIRA" written on it.

The Chief looked around the office as if making sure he wasn't being watched, then gestured for Gumshoe to sit down, which the detective gratefully did.

"Gumshoe, I have something to confess," the Chief stated in low tones.

"Whatever it is, sir, you know I'm happy to be your confidant!" Gumshoe saluted smartly. "What is it? Alcoholism? Recognition of my greatness? A sexual attraction to the Blue Ba-"

"Nothing like that, you imbecile!" the Chief snapped. He glared at Gumshoe for a moment, then managed to calm himself again. "I'm... anti-Kira."

Gumshoe stared in shock. Admitting that, especially in the US, was an act comparable to running in the streets in front of a camera and screaming "My name is Dick Gumshoe and I'm a criminal!" Not that he would ever do that, of course. He was trying to save his heart attacks for later, when the cholesterol of all that butter on his steak clogged his arteries.

"Are you sure, sir?" Gumshoe asked, scratching the side of his head. "I mean, he's made my job a hell of a lot easier..."

"But we're not certain that everyone he killed really committed a crime! You've seen enough cases with that Wright kid defending to know that the suspect isn't always the criminal."

"Wright, Wright..." Gumshoe searched his memory. "Oh, right, Harry Butz!"

"...Right, whatever. In any case, I've managed to get in touch with an Anti-Kira Police Squad in Japan, and I'm sending you over to join them."

"Why me?" Gumshoe protested.

"Because no one will notice if you're gone, to put it frankly. You're useless enough to make a great undercover agent."

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment or an insult, sir."

"Just go buy your tickets."

---

A week later, Gumshoe had been on a plane to Japan, trying desperately to memorize an entire English-Japanese phrasebook over the course of a few hours. He was tripping over "do o itashimashite", which he could only hear as "don't touch my mustache", when the sounds of an argument in the seats across from him caught his attention.

He glanced over to see a blond man (or woman, his hair was _very _nice) with rather nasty facial scarring yelling angrily at a red-headed boy in a striped shirt, who was cringing slightly but didn't seem to be very fazed.

"Matt, will you stop talking about your games for five minutes and let me eat my chocolate in peace?" yelled the blond (wo)man. Gumshoe noticed for the first time the half-eaten chocolate bar in the person's hand, as well as the scattered Hershey's wrappers around the boy/girl's seat.

The red-headed boy protested, of course. "B-but, Mello, you get to play a lawyer and defend yourself in all these neat cases! Right now I'm trying to figure out how someone was killed with a statue of some guy sitting do-"

"Shut up!" the blond person screamed.

Gumshoe slipped on the complementary airplane headphones and turned up the volume on the in-flight movie.

---

Eventually, the plane landed in the Tokyo Airport. Gumshoe collected his luggage and headed for the walkway, where he saw a young man waving around a sign with his name written on it.

He veered that way, waving. "I assume you're part of this thing?"

"Sure am!" the young man replied cheerily. "Detective Matsuda, at your-Oh, no, I used my real name again! Raito is going to kill me if he hears about this..."

Gumshoe slapped Matsuda on the back heartily. "I think we have a lot in common, pal. Want to go out drinking after this is all done?"

---

The drive was mostly uneventful, although the two swapped stories a lot. ("And then all the evidence turned out to be fake, and Mister Edgeworth got really angry with me..." "That's nothing! I once broke into a building against orders!") Eventually they arrived at a nondescript office building, which Matsuda proudly announced as the headquarters of The Secret Thing for the benefit of any passing spies (such as the blond and redhead from before, who cheered quietly).

They headed up the stairs to the top office, which was filled with people busily working at computer screens covered in incomprehensible characters. One of them, a young, brown-haired man, smiled and stood when Gumshoe and Matsuda entered. "I assume you're the new member from Los Angeles? I'm L, or at least that's what you'll know me as for now. We have to be a bit suspicious about giving our names away, for obvious reasons."

"Er, about that, Rai-er, L..." Matsuda began.

"What is it, Matsuda?" The young man glared at Matsuda coldly.

"Don't worry about it, Mister Raier El!" Gumshoe announced brightly. "Matsuda here didn't give away any information at all!"

"...Then how do you know his name?" Raer L raised an eyebrow.

"...Educated guess?"

Raer L sighed and turned back to his work. "You two are well suited for each other. Go find clues or something."

If there was one thing Gumshoe had become good at over time, it was knowing when people were on the verge of screaming and throwing things at him. He grabbed Matsuda and dashed over the room.

Besides, he had clues to hunt for. Clues and, possibly, steaks.


	2. Raer L's Secret Habits

A/N: Thank you to the two people who have left reviews so far! (Even if one only did so because I bothered him over the phone.) I'm hoping to gain a few more readers as time goes by, but knowing even one person has read and liked this is very gratifying.

This chapter changes the focus of the narrative to Matsuda. The focus of the third person subjunctive will change each chapter. (I'm not looking forwards to, say, Misa.)

And with that little bit of info, enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 2: Raier L's Secret Habits

A month had gone by since Raier L (as Gumshoe refused to stop calling him, despite Matsuda's constant explanation that his name was, in fact, Raito, which was always followed by shock and despair on Matsuda's part over another stupid blunder and complete apathy on Gumshoe's part) had assigned the two detectives to go out hunting for clues, and so far, the only thing that had been discovered was that Gumshoe had a nose for good, inexpensive, artery-hardening food. Matsuda was starting to worry about his own weight.

"Are you sure we have no leads, Mr. Gumshoe?" Matsuda asked as he picked at his vegetable tempura.

"Well, I haven't seen any." Gumshoe sighed. "I'm afraid we're on a wild goose chase, pal."

Matsuda's grasp of English didn't include idioms, and he struggled to understand what Gumshoe was talking about. "...Kira is a goose?"

"Never mind." Gumshoe finished off his tempura and stood, as did Matsuda. "Listen, did you guys have any leads before I arrived?"

Matsuda thought hard as the two walked out of the restaurant. A moment's thought brought to mind the image of the letter N on a screen (and the look of anger on Raito's face after he saw said letter). "Well, Near – who is a genius, like L - suspects Rai... L, but I don't agree with him. After all, Ra... he was in confinement for a really long time, and then we found out you have to write names one after the other or you die, and so..."

"Write names?" Gumshoe raised an eyebrow.

"Oh! Kira kills with a notebook given to him by a shinigami!"

"...A _what_?"

"You know, a notebook? You write stuff in it..." Matsuda was beginning to realize that Gumshoe hadn't been given proper information. He desperately wished that L was there to handle things for him. Either L, really.

"No, no, a sneezywhatsit, not a notebook."

"Oh! Shinigami are death gods."

"...Now you're just getting crazy on me, pal."

"B-but...!"

"Let's just stick with 'a notebook', alright? So, how did you know about this name rule thingie, pal?" Gumshoe gave Matsuda an inquiring stare.

Matsuda felt himself begin to sweat a little. Being called upon to report was always difficult for him. "W-well... The rule was written in the notebook, in some ink that doesn't exist on Earth. One of the shinigami said the ink came from its realm."

"Well, then, it's simple!" Gumshoe grinned broadly. "Raier L borrowed a pen!"

"...He _what_?" It was Matsuda's turn to be confused.

"He borrowed a pen from the sneezygame!" Gumshoe's grin broadened still further.

"H-how do you ask a shinigami for a pen? And why would he?" Matsuda stared at Gumshoe blankly, trying desperately to figure the man out.

"To make himself look innocent, of course. Time has taught me to trust geniuses, and if this Far-"

"Near."

"Whatever. If he suspects Mr. Raier, then he probably has a good reason for it."

"B-but he's been helping out with the case, and doing a really good job!" Matsuda protested.

"If Harry Butz has taught me anything, it's that the real culprit _always_ gets involved in the case." Gumshoe climbed into Matsuda's car, taking the driver's seat. "So, where's Mr. Raier's house?"

---

"Turn left right there!"

"Turn left then right? What?"

"No, just left! On Hanami Street!"

"All the signs look the same!"

"It's not my fault you don't understand kanji!"

After a few more loops of the block and arguments, Gumshoe managed to find the apartment complex. Matsuda climbed out of the car, breathing a sigh of relief. As best he could tell, it had only been sheer luck that even let Gumshoe remember that he should be driving on the left side of the street. The man didn't even need a Death Note to induce heart attacks.

After giving himself a moment to calm down and let his breathing return to normal, he studied the building. He'd only seen Light's apartment a few times, and those times he had been much more interested in certain blond models.

The apartment complex was very nice, from what he can see – Western in design, but with a few plum trees lining the path up to the front door. He could see a pool behind a fence, and he wished for a moment that he had brought a swimming suit for after the investigation.

Gumshoe seemed to be similarly appreciative. "Raer's well-off, isn't he?"

"Well, his father bought it for him a few years ago." Matsuda looked down at the ground. "To make it easier for him to pre-" He realized what he was saying a second later and cut himself off, trying to think of a cover. "To pretend he... wasn't investigating Kira!"

"...Why do you need your own apartment for that?" Gumshoe stared at Matsuda blankly.

"Who knows? I don't question geniuses!" Matsuda laughed nervously. If he told Gumshoe that Raito wasn't the original L, he was nearly certain that Raito would kill him on the spot, whether or not he was Kira.

Gumshoe stared for a moment more, then grinned broadly. "A good policy, pal!" He started for the front door. "Let's go investigate, shall we?"

Matsuda nodded and followed. _This amount of stress cannot be healthy,_ he thought. _I wonder if 'death by stress' is a valid cause?_

---

A long elevator ride later, the two arrived in front of Raito's apartment door. A passing cleaning lady gave the pair an odd look, and Matsuda realized that they were a bit shabby compared to the surroundings, especially Gumshoe. But there was nothing they could do about it offhand.

Gumshoe looked at the door. "...Raer's not the kind to keep a key under the doormat, is he?"

"Is there even a doormat? I mean, we're inside..." Matsuda looked around for anything even remotely resembling a doormat, and found nothing.

"Well, then, we knock." And before Matsuda could stop him, Gumshoe had hit the door with incredible force. Amazingly, it didn't splinter.

A female voice from inside called "Coming!", and the sound of feet on carpet could be heard, moving rapidly.

"At least Misa-Misa's here to get the door..." Matsuda sighed. "But how do we explain ourselves?"

"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it," Gumshoe assured him.

"...What bridge? We're in an apartment building." Matsuda stared blankly.

Before Gumshoe could explain, Misa had opened the door. The young, beautiful model was dressed as a schoolgirl today, although Matsuda was fairly certain that a skirt that short was _not_ allowed under regulations. Neither was unbuttoning one's shirt that low.

Through the fog that clouded his mind, one thought surfaced. _I never took her for the sort to have a white bra..._

Misa's bright smile faded a little when she saw the pair. "Oh, Matchi! Misa thought you were Raito." She buttoned up her shirt, ending Matsuda's once-in-a-lifetime view. "Who's your friend?"

"Dick Gumshoe, from the LAPD, at your service!" Gumshoe grinned at the girl. "And you are?"

"Misa-Misa, also known as Misa Amane, the model!" Misa smiled at Gumshoe. "It's been a while since Misa has met anyone from America. Luckily Misa has acted in Hollywood a few times, so she has a pretty good grasp on English... Not as good as Raito's, though." She pouted.

"Y-you're very good, Misa-Misa!" Matsuda assured her.

"Thank you!" Misa beamed at Matsuda, and he felt his pulse quicken a little. For the first time, he cursed Raito's existence. "So, Matchi, Gummi, why are you two here?"

"Well, Miss Amy-"

"Misa Amane. Or just Misa."

"Alright. Miss A, we're here because... Raer left something here and we came to get it for him!"

"...Raer?"

"Raito," Matsuda explained, then went on in Japanese with, "Mr. Gumshoe's... not good with Japanese names. Or American names, I'm pretty sure. Really, just names in general."

"What are you two talking about?" Gumshoe stared at Matsuda.

"Nothing, nothing!" Matsuda assured him nervously. "Let's go find... that thing, shall we?"

"He could've called Misa and had her bring it..." Misa pouted, but let the two into the apartment.

The apartment was very nicely furnished in a Western style, with soft-looking cream-colored chairs everywhere, art on the walls, a large flat-panel TV opposite the largest couch, and a soft cream-colored carpet. Matsuda felt another flare of jealousy as they began to search the apartment.

"What are you looking for, exactly? Misa could help!" Misa peered over Matsuda's shoulder.

"It's... a private thing." Matsuda was beginning to feel stressed again. He wasn't a great liar.

Misa raised an eyebrow. "Misa threw out his porn years ago, if that's what you want."

"N-nothing like that!" Matsuda protested. "Just something sensitive to the Kira case." The group was moving towards the bedroom now.

"Well, Misa hasn't seen anything like that." She looked at the door to the bedroom and then at Matsuda and Gumshoe. "...Do you really need to look in there?"

"He'd be likely to keep it somewhere private and well-hidden," Gumshoe pointed out.

"Fine, fine... But no looking in Misa's closet or drawers!" She opened the door into a very nice, very pink room with a double bed. Matsuda could tell instantly which of the pair had chosen the decor, and a large vanity mirror only reinforced that idea.

Misa pointed at one of the doors leading off from the bedroom. "That's Raito's closet. Misa doesn't look in there very often, except to check and make sure he's kept up his promise about not getting more porn." She smiled brightly. "He always has! Raito is a good boyfriend."

_With someone like you, who needs porn? _Matsuda thought, but he decided to keep the thought to himself as he headed for the closet. Gumshoe followed behind.

Behind the closet door, there were... clothes. Mostly suits, with a few casual outfits mixed in. Matsuda's hopes sank a little, but he began to rifle through the clothes just in case.

He flipped through the outfits carefully, looking for bulges in the pockets. He found little in the first few suits, the white shirt was free of pockets, and the corset was-

Wait. Corset?

He stared blankly at the simple black corset for a moment, as did Gumshoe and Misa. "...Any chance your clothes and his got mixed, Misa-Misa?" he managed to ask.

"N-none..."

Gumshoe folded his arms. "So, either Mister Raer's a tranny, or this is somehow tied to the Kira case. I'm almost hoping for the latter."

Matsuda's grasp of English did not include the word 'tranny'. He decided after a moment's thought that it probably was a euphemism for 'Kira'. "I hope so too."

"Let's take this back to HQ and ask Raer about it, shall we?" Gumshoe lifted the piece of clothing out of the closet.

"W-what about the thing for the case?" Misa managed to ask through her shock.

"We'll worry about that as soon as we're sure Raer's male," Gumshoe assured the girl.

The two headed out alone, leaving Misa to stare blankly at the closet. "He could've told Misa... She could've lent him a really cute outfit that would fit him great..."

* * *

A/N: I'm so sorry, Raito. 

The corset is canon, although I seem to be the only one who remembers it – he wears it so that he can technically give up ownership of the Note while keeping his memories of it. (He tucks the note into it, then puts on a shirt over it.) It's only mentioned once, but Raito wearing a corset? Comedy gold. And I figure he kept a spare just in case.

On an unrelated note, I hate writing Misa. I don't really dislike her as a character, I like the obsessed type a lot (look at how many Subaru fanfics I've written for X), but... Her speech style grates. Heavily. Aisu hates the third person.

So, anyways, thank you to my small number of readers thus far! The third chapter, Stripping and Arrest, will be written soon, I promise. And, someday, I'll actually introduce Phoenix himself into the fic.


	3. Everyone Loves Strip Searches

A/N: Woo, I actually managed to finish three whole chapters of a multichapter story! Go me. (Considering that Rivals and Sailor Sue both died painfully, this actually is an achievement. I'm pathetic.)

Thank you to my reviewer for Chapter Two. I honestly have no idea why there wasn't a story like this written before, considering the amount of crossover art on the Internet. And I'm glad you like the title – originally, it was going to be Turnabout Note, but I decided on Phoenix Raito at the last minute.

Also, I'm sure I got the status of the various task force members wrong in this chapter. I can't keep them all straight, to tell you the truth. I'm sorry...

Anyways, on with the actual chapter!

* * *

Chapter 3: Everyone Loves Strip Searches

The main investigation headquarters was rather empty today. Aizawa had gone off to work on some lead or another, and Mogi was still with Near, leaving the office to Ide and himself. Both were searching through various computer files on the Kira case, although only one of them was actually hoping to find anything.

Raito rather enjoyed his 'work'. It was almost fun, pretending to hunt himself down – searching through reports that he knew would yield no information, and constantly being reminded of just how brilliantly he had hidden his tracks for so long.

And now, with Mikami's assistance, he didn't even need to worry about the physical aspects of writing in the note. The man had been a good choice – perfectly loyal and devoted, and intelligent enough to follow chains of logic that almost matched Raito's own.

He allowed himself a moment of relaxation and self-congratulation. He was good at this, and he was certain that not even Near could deny that much. All in all, he was a good choice for a new God.

His (slightly narcissistic) train of thought was interrupted by the entrance of Matsuda and Gumshoe, who were looking decidedly agitated. _Probably found a gum wrapper that they figure might be a clue,_ he thought to himself, grinning very slightly. "Ah, you're back. How did the clue search go?"

"We found something," Matsuda replied in a rather grim voice – and then Gumshoe advanced on Raito and grabbed him from behind, pulling him out of his chair before he had a chance to react.

"What are you doing?!" he protested, struggling against the grip of the rather large detective. _Shit! What could they have found? Think, Raito, think!_

Matsuda was walking towards him now, still with that determined expression. "Like we said, we found something."

And then he began to unbutton Raito's jacket.

Raito's shock, for obvious reasons, intensified considerably. "L-listen, Matsuda, even if I liked men, this is a bit aggressive... and Ide's here too..." Ide, for his part, was still staring in his shock.

Matsuda looked up at him, nearly as shocked as Raito was. "Y-you think I'm... No, that's not the reason! You know what the reason is!"

Raito thought about this for a long moment. What clues could they find by stripping him down... What had he left as a clue? He didn't have 'KIRA' tattooed on his chest or anything strange like that, so...

And then he remembered the corset.

He cursed mentally. He had been wearing the damned thing for so long, just as a precaution in case someone acquired the shinigami eyes, that he had entirely forgotten about it.

He quickly worked out how they had found out about it. Most likely, Matsuda had told Gumshoe about Near's suspicion of Raito, since Matsuda assumed it was a dead-end lead and so it didn't matter if he talked about it. Gumshoe, however, didn't trust Raito as blindly as Matsuda did, and had probably decided to search Raito's apartment. Without her memories (and given her low intelligence, probably even with them), Misa wouldn't know to not let them in. They could've fed her any story they wanted and gotten in with ease.

And then they had found the other corset.

_Why did I have to have a spare? Couldn't I just hold the Note while I was doing laundry? Dammit!_

By the time he was done reasoning, Matsuda had moved onto his shirt, and was dangerously close to seeing the corset. Raito had to act fast. "This is illegal! I'll have you both court-marshaled for illegal searching!" he yelled. "Imagine how that will reflect on the LAPD, Gumshoe!"

Matsuda hesitated for a moment, but Gumshoe spoke, and Raito could feel him shrug (since Gumshoe was behind Raito, Raito couldn't see anything). "I'm already a disgrace to the force, pal. Keep going, Machoda."

"Matsuda," Matsuda corrected absently as he resumed unbuttoning Raito's shirt.

Raito struggled one more time, but it was too late. The shirt was fully open, revealing the simple black corset he was wearing. Ide's eyes widened considerably, but Raito took little notice of him.

"I doubt this is to slim down, pal," came Gumshoe's voice. "Care to explain?"

_I have to think fast..._ Raito thought for a moment, then schooled his face into a mixture of embarrassment and anger. The latter came with ease. "So I... like to feel pretty!" he yelled at Matsuda. "All of us have our strange habits, alright? This happens to be mine! It doesn't mean I'm Kira!"

Matsuda looked decidedly shocked and a little hurt. "Misa-Misa will be sad when she hears this..."

Gumshoe's voice made it clear that he was suspicious of the idea. "I'm still not sure, pal. I could be wrong – I mean, I don't know you well – but you don't seem like that sort of man. Once you start wearing a cravat and purple suit, we'll talk." He paused to think. "Not that there's anything wrong with wearing a cravat and a purple suit, of course. Mister Edgeworth pulls the look off well."

"Should I take the corset off?" Matsuda asked.

_No!_ Raito began to panic. If the corset was removed, the Death Note would fall away from him, and his memories would fade. He couldn't let that happen again, not without a plan in place. This was decidedly not as planned!

But before he could think of a way to get out of this, Gumshoe had spoken. "Go ahead, pal." Matsuda nodded and began to unlace the garment.

Raito's mind raced desperately. What could he do to get out of this? "Y-you're both perverts!" he managed.

"We're policeman!" Matsuda protested, stopping the unlacing for a moment.

Gumshoe's grip loosened a little as well as he struggled to reassert his manliness. "Yeah, pal! We're not doing this for fun!"

Raito grinned mentally. They had reacted as he thought they would. He wrenched out of Gumshoe's grip (leaving his shirt behind) before the man could regain his composure and dashed for the door.

And Ide blocked the way.

"Ide, get out of the way!" Raito commanded, trying to amplify his fear and anger. "These men are prosecuting me just because I happen to like... mildly odd things! Do you think that's right?"

"If you're just wearing that corset because you like it, you should have nothing to fear from the search, right?" Ide countered.

"I don't like being held back and forcibly stripped!" Raito protested, for once without having to lie.

"Sorry, pal." Gumshoe had grabbed him again, more tightly this time. "If we're wrong, you can fire us both."

Matsuda resumed the work of unlacing the corset, and before Raito could think of another way out of the situation, the garment and the thin black notebook were both falling away from his chest -

And then he couldn't remember what, exactly, was going on. He remembered the search, and his anger, but he couldn't remember why he had been wearing a corset, or what the notebook Matsuda was picking up and flipping through was.

"W-what's going on?" he managed to ask. "What is that, Matsuda?"

"You tell us," Matsuda replied in a slightly angry tone. "You were the one hiding it."

"I was?" He thought back, but his memories seemed slightly hazy and strange. "...Why?"

"I don't know why you were wearing a Death Note!" Matsuda's anger seemed to be building, for no reason Raito could deduce. "Why don't you tell us?"

"A Death Note?" The name rang a bell, but Raito couldn't place the name. "What's that?"

Some of Matsuda's anger was apparently replaced with confusion. "...You know what a Death Note is. Higuchi told us about it, before he died, remember?"

Raito thought back, trying to fight through the strange haze around his memories. He remembered the man mentioning something like that... and how somehow that had cleared him of suspicion for some time... and something frightening everyone except himself, although he did remember screaming... but his memory was filled with holes. "I don't remember that."

Matsuda looked past Raito, still apparently confused. "Have you ever heard of removing someone's clothes giving them amnesia?"

Gumshoe's reply contained a note of similar confusion. "Not really, pal. Maybe it's because he's getting more oxygen than before?"

"Uh, it's probably the notebook, guys," Ide suggested, raising an eyebrow. "Considering that I've never heard of corsets causing memory loss."

"Right, right, logic, whatever." Gumshoe began to drag Raito along the ground. "We should just get this guy somewhere secure, amnesia or no."

_What? _"Wait! Why are you arresting me?" Raito began to struggle against the man's grip.

"Because you were carrying Kira's murder weapon on you," Matsuda replied in a hurt voice. "And until we figure out why, you're being arrested as a probable Kira suspect."

"But I don't remember any of this!" Raito yelled. "Please, let me go! I'm innocent!"

"We'll find that out in court, pal." Gumshoe stopped in front of a door. "Is this place secure, Machoda?"

"Matsuda, and it should be," Matsuda replied. "It only unlocks from the outside, so unless he has lock picks on him..."

"Alright, then." Gumshoe unceremoniously dragged Raito into the room (he dimly recognized it as a storage room) and released him.

Raito instantly made a break for the door, trying for freedom, but Gumshoe blocked the way. "Now, now, pal. Don't make me get angry."

Raito backed down a little, but then a thought occurred to him. They had framed him! He hadn't been wearing a corset to begin with, but they had knocked him out and planted the evidence. That explained the haziness of his memories – they had probably caused him actual brain damage. And if that was true, there was only one reason why they would do something like that.

"Kira!" he screamed at Matsuda, and watched the man flinch. "You've been playing dumb to gain our trust, haven't you, Matsuda?! This is all part of your plan!"

Gumshoe raised an eyebrow. "Listen, pal, I've been hanging out with Machoda for a while, and he's not pretending to be dumb. He's a few donuts short of a dozen, if you catch my drift."

Matsuda looked up at Gumshoe, confused. "...But I don't like donuts that much."

"Don't worry about it, Machoda," Gumshoe reassured him, then turned to look at Raito again. "See what I mean?"

"...I don't understand." Raito sat down on the cold floor, holding his head in his hands. "This doesn't make any sense."

"I'm sorry, Raito..." Matsuda said quietly as Gumshoe walked out of the room. "I wish things weren't going this way." He closed the door, leaving Raito in darkness.

"Could I at least have my shirt back?" Raito asked, but he was a moment too late.

* * *

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this, fangirls. (Including me, although my main joy will come in the next chapter.) Shirtless, restrained Raito. Who doesn't love it? (I think Matsuda probably likes it more than he says...) 

But beyond the sexy shirtless men... This chapter didn't turn out quite as funny as the others, in my opinion. Raito's POV is just too serious. Lighten up, Raito. (Raitoen up?) It's actually fairly hard to write in anything even approaching Raito's POV, because he's just so smart... Much smarter than the author. Eru, why aren't you writing this? It was you who inspired me!

Anyways, beside my whining, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Chapter Four, Unwilling Prosecution, will come soon. (I promise that after that Phoenix comes into it, really!) For a slight hint, the POV character was introduced in Volume 10 of Death Note, and he's the only one who connects to prosecution in the slightest. (Matt's love for Phoenix Wright does not count.)


	4. Unwilling Prosecution

A/N: Oh, wow, I didn't expect to get such glowing reviews. Thank you to everyone who's favorited, alterted, or just read this fic so far. I'll do my best not to let you all down in future chapters.

For now, though, MIKAMI TIME.

I love Mikami so much. Seriously. If he wasn't a fictional character and he wasn't quite as crazy in the head, I would marry this man.

However, he did sort of suck the humor factor out of this chapter, even more than Raito. I did what I could while keeping him roughly IC.

I'd also like to apologize for the fact that Edgeworth isn't going to appear in this fic very much – importing one American lawyer was hard enough. If need be, I'll put Mikami in a cravat later.

For now, on with the chapter.

* * *

Chapter 4: Unwilling Prosecution

Teru Mikami's routine didn't vary from day to day. He got up, got dressed, made a simple breakfast (usually the same from day to day as well), sat down to read the paper...

Today, though, he nearly choked on his coffee when he read the headline of an article, and saw the picture along with it.

The headline and tag lines read: "KIRA CAPTURED! Will be put on trial for murder. Public support of case divided."

The picture was of a young man with a serious expression, but what had startled Teru was the lack of a lifespan along with the name he saw.

They had really arrested God! How could this be?! Couldn't God have thought of a way out of this?

No, even God himself had said that he was under too much suspicion. Perhaps, like the Messiah before him, he had to suffer this martyrdom.

For now, what Teru had to do was find the prosecutor working on the case and talk to him – or, failing that, he had to kill him (in a subtle, untraceable way). He needed to make sure there was no one opposing Kira.

He slipped on his coat and headed out of the door – a minute late, for the first time in years.

---

He arrived at the prosecution office around an hour later and headed inside, trying to hide his agitation. _Who would they assign a high-profile case like this? Maybe they'd even import one of the foreign greats, like Edgeworth... but no, that would be too complicated, and I think he's on hiatus. So who...?_

He was barely in the door before the secretary waved him over. "Oh, Mikami-san! The head prosecutor wanted you."

"Alright. Thank you." He nodded curtly, then headed up to the head prosecutor's office. The elevator was uncrowded for once, thankfully – he hated being jammed in with other people, given all the germs involved.

The office was simple and uncluttered, with an elegant desk, several bookshelves (in neat, tidy rows), and very few silly personal touches besides a photo on the desk. Teru approved of the head prosecutor's organization every time he was called upon to enter her office.

The head herself was seated at the desk, working on papers, but she looked up when Teru entered and waved him over to a chair. She was wearing a long blue muffler, which Teru recognized as an emulation of Lana Skye, the semi-famous former chief prosecutor in Los Angeles. The 'role model' status of a confessed criminal bothered Teru deeply, even if Skye had been blackmailed, but there was little he could do about it. Maybe he could kill the prosecutors who wore mufflers later. For now, it was best to just take a seat.

The head prosecutor signed another paper, then pushed it aside and looked at Teru again. "Mikami-san, you've had a very good record as a prosecutor, correct? As I recall, your record is nearly perfect."

"Yes, that is true." What was she heading towards? Teru tried to figure out what she wanted, but social situations had never been his strong point.

"Well, I think it's time you get a chance to really shine." She smiled brightly. "I'm assigning you to the Kira trial."

_What?!_ Teru tried to hide his utter shock. Did this woman not watch TV? He hadn't been shy about appearing on Kira's Kingdom, or any of the other pro-Kira shows out there (his favorite being the Kira Variety Hour, featuring the Holy Tap-dancing Chorus). His views, if not his role as God's right hand, were well known, weren't they? Maybe she didn't like TV.

But no – maybe it was more subtle than that. Maybe she did watch TV, and knew about him, and had chosen him because of that. Maybe she _supported_ God's will, and was assigning Teru because she knew he'd sabotage the case.

If that was the case, he wouldn't let her down.

"I'm... very glad to hear that," he said in the calmest voice he could manage. "I'll do my best to handle the case. For now, I'll need the evidence lists and the like, of course."

"Of course," she said, still smiling. If she was planning to have him sabotage the case, she wasn't making it obvious. "I'm glad to hear you're willing to participate, Mikami-san."

"It's my duty." Which was the truth in more ways than she realized. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll get to work on that. Thank you again for the assignment."

"Don't worry about it." Her smile was still even and calm. "I know you won't let me down."

He bowed and left the office, trying to hide his faint smirk.

---

By the time he arrived at his personal office, it was already prepared with all the information about the case – the (rather short) evidence list, the trial dates, and the names of those who would be participating.

He scanned the names, trying to decide who needed to be eliminated before the start of the trial. The judge was known as being unbiased and rational, but he might still need to go if the evidence started to sway him towards believing God was guilty. The legal assistants all seemed fine. And the defense attorney...

His eyes widened considerablywhen he saw the name. God had hired _Phoenix Wright_?

The American rookie had become quickly famous – he was known as 'the patron of hopeless cases'. He could turn around even the most biased case, even if it was at the very last moment. He was known as being emotional, working more on intuition than on any sort of logic, but he had a perfect record so far.

Teru would do his best to see that this record continued.

He smiled and sat down at his desk, relaxing a little. With someone like Phoenix on his side, and with his own sabotaging of the case, it seemed that things would go well. If need be, Teru could just kill people while God was imprisoned for trial, which would probably make the idea that Yagami was Kira seem less plausible. Things were going to go fine.

For now, though, he had to ensure that Wright would achieve victory. The best way was probably to get an analysis from an opponent of Wright's – find out what Wright's strengths and weaknesses were, so that Teru could avoid the weaknesses and promote the strengths.

He calculated the time difference to make sure the prosecutor's office in America would be open, quickly used Google to find the phone number, and after some confusion over country codes, he managed to call the office. After a few rings, a young woman picked up the phone and asked him who he was trying to contact.

"Could you put me in touch with Miles Edgeworth?" Teru asked.

---

After holding for some time and listening to annoying American music (apparently, someone was 'bringing sexy back', whatever that meant), the line clicked back on and a young man spoke. "What is it?"

"Ah... Edgeworth? I'm Mikami Teru, of Japan. I'm a prosecutor, and I'm apparently going to be opposing Phoenix Wright in court, so I was looking for your advice."

If it was possible, the voice got even colder. "...Don't mention that name to me."

Teru raised an eyebrow, although he knew Edgeworth wouldn't see it. "Why?"

"Because I hate the man!" The voice was a little louder now. "I hate how he wins despite not thinking at all, and I hate how he screams in court and is constantly in danger of being dragged out, and I hate how he makes the trials into some sort of theatric spectacle, and I hate how good his hair looks, and I hate how much he cares about me, and -"

They were going into territory that Teru was rather frightened of at this point, so he cut Edgeworth off. "I apologize if I've brought back painful memories, sir. But could you at least fax over the transcripts of your cases, if you have them available?"

"...I'll get Meekins to do it." The phone line went dead.

Teru stared at the receiver for a moment. "...American legal cases must be very strange."

* * *

A/N: I think I'll be using this bottom author's note for previews of the next chapter. Therefore, here we go.

Going back in time a little, we'll cover just how an American lawyer got assigned to a Japanese case – the desperation that lead Raito to heed Gumshoe's advice about legal matters. (Obviously, he's very desperate.) But not even Phoenix is sure he can handle this case, so he calls an old friend for help she's provided before. However, the results aren't as expected, and one of Raito's enemies makes an unexpected return...

Look for Chapter Five, Patron of Hopeless Cases, soon! Not coming to any theaters anywhere near where you are!

(And feel free to review, everyone. I won't cry at negative reviews. Much.)


	5. The Patron of Hopeless Cases

A/N: Okay, I know that I put Chapter Four up, like, a few hours ago, but I actually wrote it last night, so I've been working on this chapter too. And, since I figured you all probably wanted to see Phoenix finally make an appearance (and since both chapters were rather short...), I decided to put up two chapters in one day. You're all spoiled.

With this chapter, we're moving into the meat of the story – Raito's trial. Consider this 'Investigation – Day One', in Phoenix Wright terms. It also contains a surprise character appearance. (I didn't do it the way you wanted, Eru, because your way was stupid. E-mail me and complain if you want.)

We're going to be ignoring most of the complications involved in importing a Japanese lawyer. Let's assume that in Phoenix Wright's futuristic land of three-day trials, legal systems have been rendered similar enough that it's not too difficult to practice law in another country. I hate to ignore the real world this much, but it's needed for the story, alas.

This episode is brought to you by chocolate macaroon pie and Japanese pop music, both of which kept me alive.

On with the chapter!

Chapter Five: The Patron of Hopeless Cases

"Agh, this is boring..." Phoenix sighed to himself and leaned back in his large, comfortable chair. While he had been surviving on the money made from his first five cases, he was starting to run low, since he wasn't considered 'high-profile' enough to be paid huge fees.

Maybe someday that would change and he would be able to buy ugly paintings of men in straw hats, like Grossberg. But for now, he was starting to consider going back to his days of subsiding on ramen alone.

He sighed again, picked up a magazine, and began to flip through it. However, before he could find any banal trivia about banal stars doing banal things, the phone began ringing. _Probably a wrong number... Why does my phone number have to be one off from the Pizza Hut's? _Nonetheless, he picked up the phone. "Wright and Co. Legal Services, this is Phoenix Wright speaking..."

The voice on the other end contained a note of panic. "I-I'm sorry, I was trying to reach Harry Butz..."

Phoenix paused to think this through for a moment. "...Did you get this number from Detective Gumshoe?"

"How did you know?"

"He can't get my name right. I'm 'Harry Butz', but please call me Phoenix."

"That explains a lot." Whoever was on the other end of the line laughed slightly. "He keeps calling me Raer."

Phoenix laughed as well, then settled down for business. "So, you need a lawyer?" he asked.

"Y-yes... but there's a problem." 'Raer', whatever his real name was, sighed. "The case is in Japan."

Yes, that was a problem. While it wasn't impossible for lawyers to work internationally, Phoenix would have to do a lot of research first. "So why are you calling me? I'm American."

There was a long pause, and for a moment, Phoenix worried that the line had gone dead. "...No one else will take the case." 'Raer' inhaled deeply. "...My name is Raito Yagami. I assume you read the news, Mr. Wright?"

Phoenix's eyes widened. Of course he had read the news – and even if he didn't, it was impossible to have not heard about Kira's capture. Every source of media in the world was covering every little detail of the case. Phoenix was surprised that it hadn't been turned into a rap song yet.

"I do," he said quietly. "I assume you're innocent?"

"Yes! I don't know what's going on." Raito sounded panicked again now. "For one thing, I seem to be suffering some amount of confusion – I think I might have been hit over the head and then had the evidence planted on me, and as a result my memories are muddled. And I've been thrown in jail for no reason! But everyone assumes I'm guilty, and even those who don't think so are afraid – Kira could decide to kill them and myself for any reason at all. I need someone to help me, Mr. Wright, and from what I've heard, you have a perfect record."

"I've only been in five cases, you realize," Phoenix reminded him. "And most of those were luck, to tell you the truth..."

"I don't care!" Raito's panic was increasingly evident. "Please help me!"

"And you're certain you're innocent? If your memories are muddled, as you say..." Phoenix was still a little uncertain about the case. It could be dangerous, and from what he had heard, there was very strong evidence against Raito.

"...I would never do what Kira has done, Mr. Wright." Raito sounded depressed, but certain.

"Alright, then." Phoenix sighed and leaned back. "I'll take the case – I can't stand to see someone innocent go without defense."

"Thank you, Mr. Wright." Raito sounded calmer now. "I'll let you work, then, and inform Gumshoe that you've taken the case." The phone went dead.

Phoenix sighed and replaced the handset in its cradle. "What have I gotten myself into...?" he muttered.

---

A few hours later, his sense of despair had only increased. He had been provided with details on the evidence – a notebook that several people could swear was Kira's murder weapon, a corset that Raito had used to keep the notebook on him, handwriting samples from Raito and the notebook that proved that they were similar, and the like. This wasn't good.

Maybe it was time to try a different source of help.

Maya had written him several times from... wherever she was, describing how well she was progressing spiritually. Apparently, she could contact Mia with greater ease now. Maybe Phoenix could get Mia to give him advice on the case, even if she couldn't leave the shrine to come help him.

He flipped through Maya's letters until he found the number for the cell phone that Maya had apparently hidden from her mentors, and dialed the number. After a few rings, the line clicked on, and Maya began screaming.

"NICK! Why do you never call? I mean, I told you it probably wasn't a good idea, but that just meant that I wanted you to be careful! Lucky you called when you did – I have to go train again soon! So, what's up?"

Phoenix took a moment to let his eardrums recover before speaking. "I, er, actually need your help with a new case..."

"You know I can't leave the shrine, Nick." Phoenix could almost hear Maya's pout.

"Yeah, but... Could you maybe get Mia to give me advice?" This was embarrassing. Maya would start whining about how he didn't care enough about her any second now...

Sure enough, her verbal pout grew worse. "Oh, you just want Mia, don't you? Fine, but see if I send you any more letters, since you don't want to talk to _me_."

"Maya, I do want to talk to you, you know that!" Phoenix protested. "I just happen to need Mia for legal advice. I promise I'll call you more!"

The cheerful tone returned to Maya's voice. "I was just kidding, Nick! I know you like me. Now, onto channeling! This may take just a sec – and I want a burger later in exchange for this."

The phone went silent for the next few minutes. Phoenix leaned back and waited, flipping through the magazine while he did so. Apparently, Misa Amane was going to be starring in another terrible movie soon.

Eventually, a voice spoke. While it was still clearly Maya's, there was an undertone to it that was different – calm, even, and almost... masculine? It wasn't what Phoenix associated with Mia. "Mr. Wright, are you still there?" Maya(?) asked.

"Y-yes. Is this Mia?" Phoenix knew the answer before he even asked the question. Mia would never be that formal with him.

"...No. I am sorry to take over your friend without her consent or yours, but I need to be involved in the Kira case. I promise I will make it up to both of you later." The voice was still calm and even and utterly unrecognizable.

Apparently, channeling had unexpected dangers. "May I ask who this is, exactly?"

"...You can call me Ryuuzaki."

With that, the phone clicked off, leaving Phoenix deeply confused.

A/N: Bwahahaha.

So, the preview for Chapter Six!

Next chapter, Maya/L begins his/her/its own investigation, contacting Mikami, Mello, and Near in the process. But will anyone actually believe that a young girl in very strange clothes is the famous detective, especially since the prosecution doesn't even want his/her/its help?

Find out in Chapter Six: Hungry Ghost!


	6. Hungry Ghost

A/N: Episode 25 is out, and I am emo. (Even though I've read the manga repeatedly...)

I was sort of planning to put off this chapter for even more time (L is hard to write, especially when Maya's a factor), but now, I suppose, it's almost a tribute. WE WILL MISS YOU, L, AND YOUR SOMEWHAT SYMBOLIC FOOT-WASHING.

This chapter is brought to you by depression and my tiny Death Note-themed playlist. (Cooking by the Book and Land of Confusion do not go together.)

So, enjoy the chapter, feel free to murder me if I mess up L too badly, reviews are always welcome.

---

Chapter Six: Hungry Ghost

L closed the cell phone he had been talking on, staring at the pink device for a moment. A Pink Princess phone strap and a heart sticker on the back only confirmed his suspicion – he was in the body of a female. Not that it particularly mattered, but it was good to know.

He seemed to be in the girl's room, which was luckily furnished with a mirror, so he took a moment to study himself. He was dressed in robes that he recognized as being the ceremonial garb of the Fey spiritualist clan, and his black hair was pulled back into a topknot. He noted with some interest that certain features of his old body had carried over – there were deep black bags under the girl's eyes that he doubted had been there, and her skin was rather pale. He wondered idly if once the topknot had been removed, her hair would be as messy as his had been. But that wasn't the point. Now that he had assessed the basics of his situation – he was in the body of a Fey spiritualist, who had been trying to contact some other ghost and reached him – he needed to work out the details of what to do next.

The problem was that his knowledge of what was happening in the living world was... confused. He had been able to detect trends and major events, but specific details seemed to elude his view. It was almost like watching a TV show one wasn't interested in on fast forward. This was the most clearly he had been able to see the living world in ages.

He summed up what he knew for himself. The man he had hung up on was the defense attorney for Raito Yagami, who had been arrested on suspicion of being Kira. The prosecution, as best he could tell, was working for Kira. The two detectives who had found the evidence were known to be incompetent.

And Raito was Kira.

That last smirk had proved that much to him – it had been a look of unrestrained triumph and joy. L had no doubt that Raito had somehow forced the shinigami to kill L, and then, as he lay dying, Raito had taken that last opportunity to gloat. L could see himself doing the same – they were both a little childish, after all.

But a smirk wasn't proof enough. He'd have to find more, and for that, he had to contact Mello and Near. Surely one of them (or both) had been acting as his heir, gathering evidence that Raito was Kira. There was no way that the two would let the case drop. After that, he could contact the prosecution and offer his help – there was no way that the prosecutor could refuse him without making himself look suspicious.

It was probably best to start with Mello. The boy was more emotional and was more likely to believe L's story of possession. Near would take more reasoning, and he hoped that Mello had remained close enough to Near that the two could trust each other.

He opened the phone again, noting with only slight interest that the background image was also of the Pink Princess. The girl he had possessed was clearly a huge fan.

Ages ago, Watari, L, Mello, Near, and a few of the other top choices had set up a system through which they could authenticate calls. The basic idea was that each possible successor had a separate phone for calls from Watari and calls from L, that no one else knew the number for. If one of those phone rang, it had to be the person the phone was assigned to, unless the system was cracked into. L quietly hoped that it had remained intact as he punched in Mello's number.

After a few rings, L heard the phone line click on, and a rough, annoyed voice spoke into the line. "You have a wrong number," the voice said, clearly about to slam the phone back onto the cradle.

"No, Mihael," L said quickly. It was a risk using the boy's real name in public, but the dormitory seemed deserted.

There was a long moment of silence on the other end of the line. "...Calling on this phone, using that name... Matt, if that's you, this is a really sick prank." The voice was still annoyed, but contained another emotion that L could not place easily.

"It's not a prank," replied L. "I'm L. I know I sound different, and I know I'm meant to be dead. It's a complex story, and it ties into the supernatural, but since I assume you've found out about the shinigami and the note..."

"...Yeah, I believe in the supernatural." The boy's emotions were increasingly difficult to read from his voice. "But I'm still not convinced."

"I'm glad you're suspicious, Mihael," L replied, smiling slightly to himself despite the situation. "It's a good instinct – I'm always suspicious of everyone. But I don't need your full support immediately. Just please inform Near that I want he, you, and I to work on making sure Raito is convicted in this case. Matt too, if possible."

Another long pause. When Mello spoke again, his voice was more businesslike. "From what I've heard, the case is pretty much sealed. They have some fairly damning evidence. What do we have left to do?"

L paused for a moment. It would be difficult to explain that L had caught glimpses of the prosecutor using the Death Note while he was in the afterlife. Finally, he decided to keep it simple. "I have reason to believe the prosecution will try to sabotage the case from within. We need to make certain he doesn't. Raito Yagami is Kira, and we must make it impossible to believe anything else."

"...You do sound like L." The voice was unreadable again. "Alright. I'll get in contact with Near, then call you back. Don't worry, I got your number from the traces already... Maya." The line clicked off.

L closed his own phone again with a snap. He was glad to see that the case was going to go well – he had known that Mello would believe him. Now all he needed to do was contact Mikami, and then-

With a slam, the door to his new room flew open, revealing an intimidating-looking robe in the same style as Maya's. "Maya! What are you doing in here? It's time for training!"

She began to practically drag L into the hallway, ignoring his faint protests.

---

Several hours later, L returned from 'training', soaking wet from spending the last hour in a waterfall and with his back aching from trying to stand and sit straight. He was only grateful that he hadn't been recognized as a spirit – one very young girl had given him odd glances, and another woman had asked if he had been getting enough sleep, but otherwise, he seemed to be alright.

But he was still cold, wet, and above all, hungry. He had spent the last few years utterly without sweets, and now that he had a body again, it made sense for him to enjoy more sweets, didn't it? But he doubted that the shrine heads would give him candy if he asked, so he was probably out of luck.

But, then again, he was in the bedroom of a young girl who, judging from the cell phone at this holy retreat, had a rebellious streak. Maybe she had something stashed somewhere. He needed to look somewhere that a young girl would think of as a secure hiding spot, then.

After a moment's thought, he headed towards the small chest of drawers in the room. He opened one after another until he found the underwear drawer. Utterly ignoring the contents, he lifted up one pile of panties – and uncovered a huge pile of Pocky boxes and tiny gummy hamburgers. His eyes widened a little. This was better than he had been hoping for. The girl clearly had similar tastes to his.

He grabbed a box of strawberry Pocky and settled on the bed, knees pulled close to his chest. He flipped open Maya's cellphone again. It was time to contact the prosecution and see what could be done about the man's bias, assuming that L had seen things correctly.

After a few calls to the Japanese information services, he found out the man's name – Teru Mikami – and his office number. He quickly dialed it, half-expecting another angry woman to burst in through the door, and listened to it ring.

However, Mikami must've been out of his office or ignoring his phone, because the phone clicked over to voice mail. "You've reached Teru Mikami," a quiet voice stated in Japanese. "Please state your name, your phone number, and your business, and I'll get back to you if I can."

The voice mail beeped, and L began to talk. "Hello, Mikami-san. My name is... well, most people know me as L, the detective, and my number is..." He rattled off the number. "I was investigating the Kira case for some time, and I would like to offer you my services in any way I can. Please call me." He closed the phone again, allowing himself to relax a little.

That was handled, then. Mikami had never met Ryuuzaki, and so he wouldn't be overly suspicious of the call. L suspected that Raito had probably kept Mikami mostly, if not entirely, in the dark about his role in Kira's plans, which would work out in L's favor.

For now what he had to do was find a way out of this shrine. He had no doubts that if Maya tried to leave, the women running this retreat would try to stop her. So he needed to sneak out somehow – that, or work entirely from the retreat, in between sessions of 'training'.

There was also the issue of how long he could even keep this body. He could hear Maya's feeble protests in some corner of his brain, and he had no doubt she'd do her best to reclaim her body from the unwelcome intruder. After all, she hadn't meant to channel him. He wondered how long he could keep his grip.

What mattered right then, however, was that he had run out of Pocky.

He loped back towards the chest of drawers again.

A/N: Argh L I love you but your POV is difficult. Anyways, chapter preview!

Convinced that Maya really is L, Mello does his best to convince Matt and Near, but will he succeed in converting them to the gospel of L's resurrection, or will he have to work on his own? And, when it comes down to it, will he really try that hard – or will he simply report to L that Near doesn't want to work with them, so that he can be L's sole assistant, and maybe his heir at last?

Find out in chapter 7, Reasons for Hatred!


	7. Support You Don't Want

A/N: I know that, from the preview, it seemed like this was going to be a Mello POV chapter, with a completely different title. And it was, but the problem was, Mello refused to be anything other than incredibly serious and mildly whiny, thanks to the last chapter. So, we ended up with Matt. I promise Mello will get his own chapter later, so don't worry.

Mello and Matt are possibly some of my favorite characters in Death Note, though, behind only Mikami and Raito himself. I hope I can do them justice – especially Matt. (I might do some serious stuff about them later, by the way, so let me know if you like how I write them.)

And, once again, enjoy the chapter!

* * *

Chapter 7: Support You Don't Want

Mello was staring at the phone, Matt noticed, and had been for quite some time now. He did a quick calculation... It took him about five minutes to beat a level in this game (Unreal Tournament Xtreme Deluxe or something, Matt forgot), and he had beaten three levels, so it had been at least fifteen minutes. He should probably do something – at least feed Mello some chocolate until he started smirking at things instead.

He stood up, brushing the crumbs of multiple bags of chips off his shirt, and walked over until he was behind the blond man. "Hey, Mello, everything OK?" he asked. "I know Near's beating you in this entire Kira thing, but you're still doing great!"

That had been the wrong thing to say in a million ways, and usually Mello would've snapped at him, but this time the man just made a noncommittal noise. Something was _wrong_ here, if Mello wasn't angry at the mere mention of Near.

"Mello?" Matt asked, increasingly concerned. "What's up?"

Mello paused for a long, long moment. He seemed to have forgotten that he was holding chocolate. This was _bad_.

Finally, he spoke. "...L just called."

Matt was, understandably, confused. "You mean the fake one, right? Lighto or whatever his name is?"

Mello shook his head furiously. "This is the phone the real L had me carry, Matt. The one that only he knew the number to. He knew my real name. He acted like L. The only real difference was..." He paused again.

"Yes?" Matt prompted.

"...He sounded like a girl." Mello's voice contained a clear, fully understandable note of doubt. "A young one. And the name that showed up on the tracer you designed was Maya Fey, which is no pseudonym I remember him using."

Matt was beginning to think that Mello had been driven insane from a chocolate overdose – L was a teenage girl named Maya? - but he decided to try to convince the other man for a little while longer. If he absolutely had to, he could have the nice men with white coats here in minutes. God bless the cellphone age. "The fake L might've hacked the phone line, Mello. He did know your real name from that entire building incident with the old guy."

Mello winced and touched his scar at the mention of the incident, but then shook his head. "No, no. Our systems are all secure, thanks to your jury-rigging, aren't they?"

Matt paused to think. A lot rode on how well he had done with security, and he _was_ fairly confident in his systems. This did seem odd. "True. I made sure even a mouse couldn't hack this place – not that mice can hack, which makes that a rather terrible metaphor now that I think about it..."

"So it was L." Mello grinned slightly. "I'm sure of it."

The red-haired boy raised an eyebrow. It was a big leap of faith from 'it's hard to hack our phones' to 'L has returned from the dead as a teenage girl'. "Listen, Mello, I doubt it's the original L. I mean, the original L, is to put it bluntly, rotting somewhere." Another wince from Mello. "At best, this is some successor that we didn't know he had."

"...That might be. What matters now is that we go help him... her... whichever." Mello pushed himself to a stand, taking a bite off his chocolate bar. "We'll have to tell Near."

Matt paused for a second. How to let Mello down easy here? "...Listen, Mello. I'm glad you seem to have been contacted by L, but... I'd rather keep doing what I've done here. I can help out from here, if you need me to, but this seems like a trap, and if you get caught... In that case, I can hopefully bust you out, and the worst case scenario there is that you get killed and I can go on working without you. It's blunt, I know, but both of us going seems... not very bright."

Mello looked at him for a long moment, and for an instant Matt was worried that the blond man was going to flip out as he often did and slap him or something. Finally, though, he nodded. "Makes sense. I'll call you when I need you. But I do need to call Near."

Matt nodded, relieved. "Alright. I'll set up the maskers to make sure the call can't be traced."

---

A few minutes later, with all Matt's equipment in place, Mello dialed Near's number. After a few moments, Near apparently picked up, because Mello started talking. Matt lit a cigarette and listened to the conversation with some interest.

"Near? L contacted me... No, the real one... Yes, yes, I know as well as you do... He knew my real name, and he acted just like him... Sounded kinda like a girl... Yes, I know the fake L knows my real name... Yes, I know about his girlfriend, and this wasn't her voice... I spied on her, OK?... No, Near, I'm not going insane... I don't need to lay off the chocolate... Fine, whatever, fuck you." He closed the phone, looking pissed off.

"Wouldn't believe you?" Matt asked, raising an eyebrow and taking another drag off of his cigarette.

"I guess not. Seems like I'm going into this alone." Mello sighed.

"Hey, I'll be supporting you from the shadows," Matt reminded him. "I wouldn't let you fall into a trap without some sort of rope!"

"Yes, but your rope is made from gaming controllers," Mello pointed out. "With nicotine-filled smoke holding it together."

"Actually, my latest project was made from two coconuts and Ginger's bikini." Matt grinned. "But don't worry. I've gotten you out of a lot of shit in the past, and if I need to, I'll do it again."

Mello's expression softened just a little. "...Thanks, Matt. It's good to have someone like you."

Matt continued to grin. "Hey, us runners-up for the position of L have to stick together."

He had meant to provoke Mello, and it worked. The man glared at him. "I am not a runner-up, I am going to _be_ L, as the fact he called _me_ pro-"

Matt cut him off, laughing slightly. "There we go! You were getting sappy on me." He grinned once again. "I like you better angry."

Matt raised an eyebrow. "You're strange, Matt." With that, he turned away and began to walk out.

"Love you too!" Matt called after him, then went to go play more of whichever shooter he was playing today, taking another long drag off the cigarette.

---

The next day, the phone rang, and Matt flipped it open, swallowing a mouthful of chips. "You've reached Matt! For game tips, press one. If you're a cute girl, press two. If you're a loud, pissy, scarred man with no manners, start shouting now, and we'll connect you to someone who can get work done as soon as we find one!"

"That seems a bit harsh, Matt," a young, feminine voice commented.

Matt nearly choked on his now-absent chips, but he managed to calm himself. "I just like getting a rise out of Mello. I assume this is the L he was talking about?"

"The very same," the girl replied. The voice sounded like L's – calm and polite, with just the slightest hint of... it wasn't really rudeness, but more abruptness. He said just what he... she... it wanted to, in the simplest terms possible. "We need you to come help us prepare for court tomorrow. How soon can you be here?"

"So you didn't lure Mello into a trap with your feminine wiles?" Matt asked.

The voice remained calm. "I don't really know what you're talking about. Will you come?"

"Sure, sure, where to?" Matt sat up, preparing to type the address into his laptop.

An hour later, he was on a plane to Japan.

* * *

A/N: The 'two coconuts and Ginger's bikini' thing, while a reference to Gilligan's Island, was more directly stolen by Matt (and the author) from Seanbaby, the hilarious EGM columnist. Thank you, Seanbaby.

So, chapter preview time! Let's hope I don't nearly entirely lie again like I did last time... (It's not my fault that Matt inspired me!)

The first day of the trial begins! Phoenix is still without evidence and without his trusty legal assistant, but Mikami seems to be aiding him – until the surprise witness testifies. What have Mello and L uncovered? Will either the prosecution or the defense be able to find a contradiction? Will people shout "Objection!" and point dramatically? All this and more will be revealed in Chapter Eight, Turnabout Note!


	8. Turnabout Note

A/N: Sorry for the wait on this one. School's restarted, and so I'm going to be a little slower than before. I'll try for at least one chapter a week. (Also, for some reason, it wouldn't upload at all... I eventually had to edit a document that I already had uploaded into being this chapter. If someone could tell me what's going on and how to fix it, that'd be great.)

The chapters from here on out are going to be a bit different – basically, we're going to alternate between the trial (which is going to be all Phoenix POV) and the investigation periods, which will cover what the other characters are doing. The trial day chapters will probably be large. Also, Mello POV comes soon, really, I promise.

I'm sorry if I got the Phoenix Wright trial format slightly wrong – my DS has been broken for over a month, so I couldn't go back and make sure I had gotten it right. I did my best to remember the order of events.

Also, this story is now by far my most popular, in terms of everything from hits to favorites. Thank you all so much for all the liking.

Remember, feel free to review! I can take criticism.

* * *

Chapter 8: Turnabout Note

This was _not _going to go well.

Phoenix was stretched on the couch in the defendant's lobby, looking through the court records one more time. From what he could see from the evidence list, he was doomed. He hadn't found anything to contradict what was known about the notebook and the like. All he could hope for was to press the witness enough...

The door to the lobby opened, and Phoenix managed to push himself to a sitting position as his client entered, flanked by guards. The boy was handcuffed and looked downcast – with good reason, considering the fact that he was likely to be declared guilty. He refused to meet Phoenix's eyes.

He didn't look guilty, but he could be a good actor. Was Phoenix on the wrong side? With evidence like this and no contradictions to be found, what could he do?

No, he couldn't think like this. He had to believe in his client! If he began to doubt himself, there was no way he could win.

The guards had released their grip on Raito, who headed over to the couch. "So, Mr. Wright, how does it look?" he asked.

"...Not as good as we might hope." Phoenix sighed. "It'd help if you could tell me more about this notebook – I'm not good with supernatural stuff." _Which is odd, seeing as my best friend is a ghost,_ he added internally.

Raito sighed. "To tell you the truth, I don't remember anything about it. Matsuda seemed to think that I should remember it, but..."

_Oh, right. I forgot about the amnesia thing. This case keeps getting better and better. _"That's fine. We'll find a way to work around it." Phoenix did his best to give Raito a reassuring smile, but the boy didn't smile back.

And then the doors to the courtroom opened, and Phoenix lead his client in.

---

Phoenix took a moment to study the courtroom. The gallery was packed, he noted – for the first timein his career, there weren't nearly enough seats for everyone, and so the railing lined with people standing up. A few carried banners and signs declaring their love for Kira, and Phoenix idly wondered if that was going to help or hurt his case.

The prosecutor – Mikami, a man that Phoenix had never heard of – was arranging his papers into neat, perfect stacks. Phoenix noted his elegant hairstyle, neatly pressed suit, and calm expression. _He'd get along with Edgeworth_, Phoenix decided. _They could drink tea and discuss hair care._

And the judge...

Phoenix looked up, and did a double-take.

The man was very old, with a bald head but a long, white beard. His expression was stern, but his eyes held a trace of confusion and, perhaps, senility. In short, he looked exactly like the judge that Phoenix had seen at every trial he had ever been a defense attorney in. Maybe he had a Japanese cousin?

But that was irrelevant. The trial was going to be starting shortly, and so Phoenix had to focus on that. He could worry about the Judge having a family later.

Said judge picked up his gavel and banged it into his desk, which quieted the gallery slightly. "It is now time to begin the trial of Yagami Raito on..." His eyes widened. "Several hundred counts of murder, apparently. I wasn't aware that was possible. In any case, Mr. Mikami, would you please give your opening statement?"

Mikami nodded very slightly and began to talk in a calm, even voice. "Kira, as we all know, is a very famous serial murderer – he has targeted thousands of criminals, killing them through heart attacks. I will seek to first prove that this was possible, and then prove that Yagami Raito is the man who committed these acts. That is all." Phoenix noted with some surprise that he seemed almost afraid – was he worried that Kira was going to kill him, or was it something else? Maybe Mikami had committed the crimes – it had happened in a previous case, although Von Karma had been far more insane-seeming. Phoenix just prayed that there wouldn't be a taser involved this time.

The judge nodded. "Very well. The prosecution may call its first witness."

Mikami returned the nod, staying calm. He wasn't as much like Edgeworth as Phoenix had initially thought – he didn't pose nearly enough. "For its first witness, the prosecution calls Detective Matsuda of the Tokyo police department to the witness stand."

A young, black-haired man walked up to said stand. He was shaking, Phoenix noted, and halfway up to the stand he nearly tripped, only barely catching himself. He reminded Phoenix of a cross between Meekins and Gumshoe, if anything.

Eventually the young man made it up to the stand, answering the basic questions about his name and occupation in a wavery, shaking voice. Phoenix wondered if he had something to hide, or if he was just shy. Either possibility seemed likely.

After the basic questions, Mikami nodded calmly again. "Alright, Detective. Would you begin your testimony?"

Matsuda looked confused for a moment, then recovered himself. "R-right... testimony... Alright. So, a few days ago, on a tip given to us by... an unknown source... Detective Gumhoe of the Los Angeles police department and myself began to investigate Raito-ku... er... Mr. Yagami."

_Gumshoe was involved in this case?_ Phoenix raised an eyebrow. The only clue he could see Gumshoe unearthing was one that was hidden under his steak lunches.

"We wouldn't have normally investigated Ra-Mr. Yagami, since he had been under suspicion in the past and seemed to have been cleared, but... Our leads were starting to run cold, and we figured there was no harm in looking around his apartment. What we found was..." Matsuda blushed heavily. "A... corset. And his girlfriend swore it wasn't hers."

_...A what?_ Phoenix glanced over at Raito, who looked as confused as he did. The man didn't seem like the sort to wear a corset.

Matsuda was continuing. "So, for obvious reasons, we went back to HQ to figure out what was going on here, since none of us could see Raito wearing a corset for fun. We discovered that he was wearing one, but underneath it was a notebook, which everyone in the Department Office at the time except for Gumshoe recognized as being a Death Note – it wasn't the same one we had first seen, but it had names written in it, and tests on the notebook discovered that it was made of the same unknown substance as the first one."

_Hmn._ Phoenix could probably get a little bit of extra information out of this. "Hold it!" he screamed at the top of his voice, startling everyone in the courtroom. Apparently they weren't used to the style that American attorneys used, and now every set of eyes was trained on him. This was embarrassing. "Er... How many people were there, exactly?"

Matsuda stared at him for a moment more. "...Four. Gumshoe, Raito-kun, Detective Ide, and myself."

"Alright." Phoenix nodded to himself. Maybe he could talk to this Ide later.

The judge was still staring at him, looking mildly annoyed. "Any other questions for the witness, Mr. Wright? Preferably without all the screaming this time."

"Hmn..." Phoenix thought for a second more. Had anything else caught his interest? There had been something in there, but...

Wait! Of course!

"Witness!" Phoenix found himself pointing at Matsuda, which made the poor man start to tremble all over again. "What did you mean when you said that my client had been previously cleared of suspicion?"

"O-oh!" Matsuda looked surprised at having that brought up. "Well, there was... someone who suspected Raito-kun, in the past. He ended up confining Raito-kun for some time, to see if the Kira killings continued. Eventually he was released, and shortly afterwards, we found one of the death notebooks out there, which had rules written in it." He paused for a moment. "One of them was... I forget the exact wording, but basically, if you stopped writing names for more than thirteen days, you died. Since Raito-kun and... just Raito-kun had been imprisoned for about a month, we let him go."

"And you're certain the rule was part of the death notebook?" Phoenix asked.

Matsuda scratched his head, making him look even more like Gumshoe. "Well... We were sure, since it was written in an ink that does not exist on Earth, but the same source that gave us the tip about Raito-kun possibly being Kira also hinted that the thirteen-day rule was a fake."

Phoenix considered this for a moment – and then reached a new conclusion. _Could that be it...? At the very least, it'll buy me more time... _"Witness!" He had to break this screaming habit. "Is there any chance that this unknown source framed my client?"

Matsuda's eyes widened as well. "I-I'm not really sure... It doesn't seem like him, but I don't know him very well..."

"Then there's a possibility that the thirteen-day rule is real, and this unknown source is trying to implicate my client for the sake of his own gain!" Phoenix slammed the desk, startling everyone in the courtroom once again. "In other words, this case cannot continue until this 'unknown source' is brought to light – and to this courtroom!"

The gallery began to murmur amongst themselves, until the judge stopped them with another bang of his gavel. "Order! Order!" he yelled. "I demand order in my courtroom!"

Eventually, the noise subsided, and the judge began to talk in a more calm tone. "I am forced to agree with the defense. This case cannot proceed until this 'unknown source' is brought to us. Witness, do you have a way to contact him?"

Matsuda nodded, looking like he was on the verge of passing out. "I-I'll try to bring him in..."

"Very well." The judge nodded. "Witness, contact this 'unknown source'. Mr. Mikami, Mr. Wright, use this time to strengthen your argument – and Mr. Wright, please learn to calm yourself in the courtroom."

Phoenix nodded, trying to hide his embarrassment. "Yes, sir."

---

Phoenix sighed and collapsed back onto the couch in the defendant's lobby. A moment later Raito, still handcuffed, joined him.

"Thank you, Mr. Wright," the boy said quietly.

"It's my job." Phoenix smiled at the young man. "Don't worry about it. And it was actually easier than I thought it would be..."

Raito looked thoughtful. "I was surprised that the prosecutor called Matsuda to the stand, rather than Ide. Matsuda's... well, fairly obviously, not the brightest bulb in the box."

Phoenix nodded. "I agree. And he seemed to be badly coached – one of Edgeworth's witnesses never would've mentioned that a client had been cleared of suspicion, unless under heavy pressure."

Raito nodded. "It seemed strange to me too. And..." He paused to think. "I might be misremembering, but I could've sworn that I saw that prosecutor speak during one of the episodes of Kira's Kingdom that the other detectives and I watched."

Phoenix scratched his chin. "It would explain why he seemed uneasy during the opening statements. But why would a Kira supporter be the prosecutor in the Kira case?"

Raito grinned very slightly. "I don't know, but I think we might have unexpected support, if so."

"That'd be nice." Phoenix sighed quietly. "It'd also be a first for me, given that half my clients actively call _themselves_ guilty – support's kind of rare."

"Maybe that's not the case this once." Raito grinned again and headed for the door. "In any case, see you tomorrow, Mr. Wright."

He headed out, flanked by guards, leaving Phoenix alone to consider one thing.

If Mikami really was a Kira supporter, that meant that he thought was Raito was Kira.

Phoenix groaned aloud. Of course even the ones who supported him thought that his client was guilty – why should things go any differently for him?

* * *

A/N: Poor, poor Phoenix. 

In the next chapter, we explore what Mello, Matt, and L have been off doing while the trial was starting! Have they uncovered any clues, or talked to Near more, or anything else? Or have they been too busy gaming and eating? And what does Near think about the fact that two thirds of the Wammy house kids have, in his opinion, gone completely insane, or about the fact that he has to be on trial tomorrow?

Find out in Chapter 9: Three's a Crowd!


	9. Three's A Crowd

A/N: Welcome back to another new episode of That Cracktastic Fanfiction! Sundays seem to be when new chapters of this mess will get posted here, although I'll post whenever I'm done with a chapter, of course. I'm not keeping you all waiting just to fit an arbitrary schedule.

I had some trouble writing this, simply because it was structurally a bit odd – we're going a bit back in time at first, to shortly after that Matt chapter. It's also larger than, like, any other chapter. Sorry. I promise it works. Also, if you've never watched the video to the Madonna song Jump... just watch it. I promise that even if you hate this fanfic and so you don't care about getting jokes in it, that video will amuse and scare you. It's on YouTube.

This chapter was brought to you by chocolate ice cream and strange semi-RP on image boards. (If Burger King, Toys R' Us, or haberdasheries amuse you, please contact me. I'd like to know who that awesome Mello was.)

Remember, feel free to review! I like feedback from people other than Eru, who is starting to get sick of Death Note and my rambling.

* * *

Chapter 9: Three's A Crowd

Mello sighed under his breath as he walked onto the plane. He was getting sick of flying back and forth between Los Angeles and Narita, especially since his budget was shrinking as time went on. Couldn't L have come to him? This time, he hadn't even been able to sneak his chocolate on, because the airline had some rule about outside food.

He took his seat, ignoring the odd looks his fellow passengers gave him. He should've styled his hair to hide the scarring better. Ah well, let them stare – it gave him a reason to punch them later.

He completely ignored the flight attendant's lecture on proper safety – he had escaped several explosions already, and he figured he was an expert in it by now – and slipped on the little complementary headphones. Right now, the TV above the row in front of him was showing, of all things, a Madonna music video. The song wasn't very good – something about finding your own way by jumping off buildings or something – but he admired the woman's excellent taste in clothing.

After a few more minutes and another boring music video, the plane took off. The televisions switched over to a sappy movie about a dog dying of cancer who became the star of an underdog baseball team in the ghetto or something similar, and Mello took off the headphones.

At the very least, maybe the sugar crash would let him sleep soon.

---

The next morning the plane touched down in LAX, and Mello started awake. He rubbed his eyes a few times, then stood with the rest of the passengers and got back off the plane, ignoring the cheerful women who told him to come back soon. He would rather avoid the sheer stupefying boredom of planes for a while – perhaps for the rest of his life. He could take a boat back to Japan.

He rented a convertible from the little rental desk and headed out of the airport, his bag slung over his shoulder. He had traveled light, since he couldn't take any of the things he really wanted to take, like assault weapons and explosives. The airlines generally frowned upon things like that.

He climbed into his newly rented convertible and started off towards the address L had told him. L had told him to be inconspicuous, but this was LA. He'd be more conspicuous in a Volvo, really. And this way, he got to be stylish.

---

Thirty minutes of mildly dangerous driving later, he arrived at the hotel L had told him to come to. He handed his keys to the valet and headed into the lobby. L hadn't told him what room to go to, so he wasn't sure how he'd find the detective, but his problem was quickly solved – upon entering the lobby, he was instantly waved over by a young girl.

Mello walked towards her, taking the opportunity to look her over. She looked even younger than she had sounded over the phone – maybe fourteen – and was slenderly built. Her black hair was long and straight, although a few strands here and there were sticking up, out of place. Her eyes were dark brown, nearly black, and judging by the size of the bags under her eyes, she hadn't slept in months – possibly years, looking at them again. She wore a baggy white long-sleeved shirt and blue jeans, and her legs were pulled up on her chair.

In short, except for the fact that she very obviously wasn't L, she looked exactly like him – she had his mannerisms, his clothing, his (apparent lack of) sleep habits. While Mello remained suspicious, for obvious reasons, he had to concede that if this was a trap, they had hired an excellent actor.

The girl looked at Mello in return, tilting her head slightly. "What exactly happened to your face?"

She also had L's lack of social graces. "It was an accident." Mello touched the scar gently. "It was a while ago, alright?"

"Alright." The girl climbed out of her chair, revealing that her posture was as terrible as L's had been. "So, I'll need you to start by telling me what you know about the Kira case, but first we need to get to my room." She started to walk towards the elevator.

"Wait!" Mello protested, following her. He was unarmed, so he wasn't about to go along with things this easily, even if the girl did look easy to overpower. "How the fuck do I know you're L? You could be a Kira worshiper, for all I know – Hell, you could be Kira yourself!" This was unlikely, since she wasn't Misa Amane, and Mello highly doubted that _this_ was what Raito Yagami looked like.

The girl paused to think. "Get on the elevator, please. I'll prove it there." The doors slid open and she stepped inside, followed closely by Mello.

As soon as the doors had slid closed, the girl sighed. "Your name is Mihael. You were brought to Wammy's House at age 6. You scored second in every test, next only to Near, and you were always resentful."

Mello glared at the girl. "The fake L knows most of that."

"Really?" The girl raised an eyebrow. "You should've been more cautious, but alright then – trivial details it is. You first got a chance to talk to me when you were 8, and offered me a chocolate bar – Godiva, I believe. It was very good. You had a crush on a girl named Linda. You-"

Before she could continue, Mello cut her off. "Wait, wait. The Godiva is a pretty good piece of proof, yeah, since the only other person there was Near, but how the Hell did you learn about Linda? I only told Matt!"

The girl sighed. "Matt wasn't the best person to trust with your secrets in the first place, Mello, but in any case, it was fairly obvious. But that's unimportant. The point is, do you believe that I'm L?" The doors slid open, and the two walked out.

Mello paused for a moment to think as he walked, then nodded slowly. "...At the very least, you're connected to Wammy's House directly, which means that the worst that could happen is I give up what I know to Near. And knowing Near, he probably knows more than I do anyways."

The girl (no, Mello reminded himself, it was L,) nodded, looking satisfied. "That will do. As long as you're willing to help." She stopped at a door and opened it with a quick swipe of a keycard. The two headed in together.

The room was a complete mess – a suitcase lay open on the bed, some sort of purple-and-white dress had been thrown on the ground, plates covered in crumbs rested on every surface, and there were a few shopping bags from stores like Ross here and there. One table was mostly clear, and on it a pink laptop rested.

"I apologize for the mess." L headed over to the laptop, settling on the chair in her (his?) standard knees-up position. "I only recently managed to get away from where I was staying, so I haven't had time to really unpack."

_But you had time to order room service and go shopping for baggy clothes,_ Mello noted internally, but decided to refrain from commenting as he took a seat on the bed. "Where exactly were you?"

"I believe I was at the training grounds of the Fey spiritualists – basically, I've possessed the body of one of their mediums-in-training. They seemed to think I should remain there, but I managed to convince them I was simply heading down the mountain for a hike and would return." L tilted her head. "I do hope they won't try to find me."

Mello gestured at the laptop. "I assume that belongs to whoever you possessed?"

L nodded. "Pink's a good color for sweets, but, in general, I prefer white."

"Oh, really?" Mello's voice contained a note of sarcasm. Jet lag was making him angrier than usual, apparently, although it could well be pent-up resentment. Either way, he had to get it under his control if he wanted this entire thing to end with him as Number One.

Luckily, L didn't seem to have noticed. "Right now I'm trying to get my old voice program to work, but I can't quite manage. Watari handled most of the heavily technological issues for me, since I was better at deduction, but..."

"Matt might be able to do it," Mello offered. "He's good with this sort of thing, but he's in Japan."

"Oh, you and Matt are working together?" L turned to look at Mello. "What about you and Near?"

"...We ended up going our separate ways." Mello looked away. "He's taken on the mantle of L for the most part, although I've been working on the Kira case as well. It's... sort of a race..." It sounded childish to him now that he was telling L himself (herself?) about it.

L sighed, turning her attention back to the laptop. "You need to learn to cooperate, Mello. It's a problem both you and Near had, but you're probably worse – Near's just passive, while you actively repel others. You think that you'll get a greater share of the glory if you work alone, when in reality all it means is that you're more likely to fail. If it weren't for that misguided pride, you'd probably be number one. I'm also rather amazed you managed to work together with Matt."

_I'd probably be number one?_ Mello's eyes widened slightly. "I-I've been working with people, I have!" Maybe if he could just convince L he could cooperate, things would work out, and he wouldn't have to cooperate with Matt or Near any more. (He realized the contradiction, but decided to avoid thinking about it too much.) "There was Matt, and a few other people!" It probably was best to avoid the subject of the Mafia, though.

L didn't even look away from the laptop. "Did you ever once listen to what they had to say?"

Well, there went that idea. "Not as such."

"My point exactly." L sighed and closed the voice program. "I still can't get this to work. Could you give me your phone, so I could call Matt?"

---

After L called Matt, the two had to wait. Mello told L what he knew about the case – the fake rules and all the rest – and L listened with clear interest. After that, however, things went very quiet, and L seemed to almost ignore Mello. It was more than a bit of a relief when, around noon, Matt entered the room, grinning broadly.

"Helloooo Los Angeles! Matt's here, bringing chocolate for the PMSing men in the room!" He tossed Mello a chocolate bar before Mello could actually get angry, although he was still miffed about the comment.

L looked up from a plate of cake. "Hello, Matt. Could you come help?"

The redhead glanced over at Mello, raising one eyebrow, although his exact expression was masked by his goggles. Mello hated those goggles. "Is she legit, Mello?"

Mello nodded. "I'm almost certain. We're going to help out." He paused for a moment. "And I don't have PMS."

Matt shrugged and walked over to the table where L was sitting. "Sure, whatever. So, L, what do I need to do?"

"I need to program this laptop so that I can control it remotely – either through another laptop or through a cellphone – and speak through it in a disguised voice. There's a particular voice I need, too." L gestured at the laptop. "I have the voice program I used to use downloaded, it's just the linkup and the exact voice that I'm having trouble with."

Matt nodded and opened the laptop, starting to work. Mello just watched the boy closely. _Doesn't the screen glare off those goggles blind him? _he wondered.

Matt glanced up from his work for a moment to look over at L. "By the way, what info do we have so far?" he asked.

L paused to think, finishing her cake. "Well, for one thing, Raito Yagami is Kira."

Mello raised an eyebrow. "That's the theory Near and I were operating under, but why the sudden conviction?"

L waved her fork through the air as she spoke. "Well, when I died, he grinned down at me when I was dying."

There was a long moment of silence before Mello managed to speak. "I don't think that particular testimony will hold up in court, L. Ghosts aren't common witnesses."

"I know." L smiled slightly. "But Mello, you offered a crucial piece of supporting evidence – namely, that the thirteen-days rule is fake. That rule is how Raito-kun proved his innocence, and if it's false, then I have a very strong basis for believing that Raito-kun must be Kira."

Mello found that he was grinning. His evidence was key! The evidence _he _had uncovered, not Near! Sure, he had only found it out because he had kidnapped a girl and managed to get the Death Note as part of a hostage exchange, but still!

L licked a few crumbs off her fork, then paused to think. "Ah, the first day of the trial is starting. We should probably watch, since I'll hopefully be acting as a witness tomorrow." She walked over to the bed, sitting next to Mello and flipping the TV on.

Every major network was, of course, covering the trial, so it wasn't hard to find it. Mello looked over the members of the court – a rather stupid-looking judge, a lawyer with nearly impossibly spiky hair on the defense's side, and a serious-looking young man on the prosecution's side. The initial arguments and the first few statements by the witness were fairly tame, although it was decidedly amusing that Raito had been discovered because of a corset.

And then they hit the thirteen-days rule, and Mello felt his ire grow.

Near had used the discoveries that Mello had gained as if he had come up with them himself. The little asshole! Mello was going to punch him or _something _the next time he got a chance. And it would serve him right if he was arrested for trying to frame Raito, even if Raito _was _Kira.

After it was over, the commentator began to ramble about the various implications of the case. Mello switched the TV off angrily, barely keeping himself from throwing the remote control _into _the TV.

L seemed to be just as calm as before. "We should contact Near," she commented.

"Why? So he can steal more of my evidence?" Mello, deciding that he didn't have the funds to pay for a broken TV, threw the remote at the wall instead. It bounced off, nearly hitting Matt, who cringed in his chair.

"That's rather pointlessly destructive." L raised an eyebrow. "And if we get in contact with Near, we'll be able to bolster our argument still further – if all four of us contribute what we know, we should have a solid argument."

"I'll call," Mello decided. This way, he could give Near a piece of his mind. He flipped open his cellphone and dialed the number.

After a few rings, Near picked up the phone, sounding exasperated. "Yes, Mello?"

"Listen, Near, L wants to-"

Near cut him off. "L is dead, you've gone insane, and I apparently have to get prepared to go to court tomorrow. Could you please leave me alone? I'm trying to build a Lego building."

The phone clicked off. Mello slammed down the cellphone. "He's not going to listen to us."

L blinked. "Why not?"

"Because you're dead, to put it frankly, L." Mello sighed and flopped backwards. "I'm still not sure that I'm not insane myself, but since there are magical notebooks that kill people and shinigami and all that, I've sort of gotten used to feeling insane by now. Apparently Near hasn't."

"Hurray for mass insanity!"

"Shut up, Matt."

L just sighed and pulled her knees more closely to her chest. "Let's just get some rest. We obviously can't convince Near, but maybe we won't need to get involved in the trial – and there's still one more day after tomorrow, even if we do have to get involved."

"Alright." Mello sighed to himself and tried to fall asleep, but Matt's voice intruded on his rest.

"Hey, Mello, L?"

"Yeah, Matt?" Mello opened one eyes, trying to keep himself from yelling.

"There's only one bed in this room, you guys realize."

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

A/N: Oh, Matt, aren't you used to sharing a bed with Mello by now? I mean, uh... 

Next chapter: The trial continues! With Near (or, at least, one of Near's henchmen carrying a laptop) taking the stand, will things go better or worse for Phoenix and Raito? And will Mikami continue to do his best to sabotage the case from the inside – even if the cost of failure would be to reveal both himself and Raito? And, finally, will Phoenix continue to dramatically point and yell at people?

Find out in Chapter 10: An Unexpected Gift!


	10. An Unexpected Gift

A/N: Oh, right, there was some sort of story I was writing at some point about some people who did stuff. I wonder what happened to that…

No, seriously, sorry to keep you all hanging for over a year. I got caught up in other things and lost my enthusiasm for a while there. But I think I have the inspiration to at least try this now.

So we're jumping right back in where we started! If you're an old reader and don't feel like rereading 9 chapters: the trial's going horribly for everyone on every side, pointing and screaming aren't accepted legal practices everywhere, Mello has PMS, Near thinks Mello is crazy, and Maya is the world's three greatest detectives.

So, you know, nice and simple.

* * *

Chapter 10a: An Unexpected Gift

It was the morning of the second day, and Phoenix was using the few minutes he had before court started to write up his resignation letter.

It wasn't that he wanted to resign (okay, maybe a little), but if he failed a case this high-profile, his career would be damaged for the foreseeable future. Not that he had had much of a career to begin with. He idly wondered if it were possible to have a negative career. Perhaps his clients would simply steal money from him.

At this point, going back to art school seemed vastly better. At least then he could eat the canvas if things got bad.

Raito was sitting nearby, the very portrait of dejection. Just looking at the boy made Phoenix debate changing his resignation note to a suicide note. Gloom seemed to radiate off him. Not that Phoenix could blame the boy for being depressed – he would be too, if he were about to be charged for around a thousand consecutive murders.

Just as it finally struck him that, as his own boss, Phoenix would be handing the resignation letter to _himself_, he heard a small cough behind him. He looked up with a quick yelp, practically falling off the couch as he met the steely eyes of Teru Mikami.

"Mr. Wright," the prosecutor said in a voice that made iron seem soft and comfortable in comparison. "The trial is starting soon. I trust you are prepared?"

"A-ah, yeah!" _If by 'prepared' you mean 'praying for a miracle'._ "I have everything ready."

There was a moment's pause where Phoenix was half-convinced that Mikami's gaze was about to actually lead him to catch on fire before the man turned to look at Raito instead.

"This is your client, correct?" he asked, and this time Phoenix looked up in bewilderment, not sheer terror. That wasn't the hard voice he had heard a moment ago. Mikami's expression now was almost… tender?

Raito looked up in return and offered something that was almost a wave, which probably would have been less pathetic if his hands hadn't been closely bound together.

"Mr. Yagami." Something that was almost a smile passed across Mikami's face as he extended one hand toward the boy. "I must say, I am hoping that things come to a clear light in today's case."

After a moment's hesitation, the boy returned the handshake as best he could. Phoenix was studying Mikami's expression all the while – given the range of expression Mikami had shown at yesterday's trial, the tiny smile at the corner of his lips was almost _gleeful_ in comparison.

A second later, Mikami pulled his hand away and walked out of the courtroom without a word. Phoenix watched him go in silence, only venturing to make a comment once he was certain that the man was fully out of earshot. "Well, that was rather bizarre."

Raito's eloquent reply was a stifled gasp that could be best captured in letters as "ack."

Phoenix turned to look at the other at last, almost dreading what he would see. As it turned out, he was right to dread. Raito seemed paralyzed in an expression of fear and agony, mouth open in a silent scream.

"Raito? What's wrong?!" Phoenix asked worriedly. "Did he poison you? Tase you? Get you with a joy buzzer?"

There was no immediate reply, but slowly, Raito's expression began to change. His eyes narrowed and seemed to darken in some barely perceptible way. He grinned a wide grin that was really more of a smirk. His entire pose changed, gaining confidence and a certain air of smugness. It was as if something he had wanted to occur had occurred exactly according to some sort of plan.

"…A joy buzzer that also let a demon possess your body…?" Phoenix offered weakly.

As if the words had gained his attention at last, Raito's expression morphed again into a brilliant smile of the sort that could usually only be achieved with the effect of heavy doses of Prozac as he turned to look at Phoenix. "Ah, I'm just fine. Just had a brief dizzy spell there, I suppose."

_That wasn't a dizzy spell. That was a scene out of the Exorcist! _Phoenix's mind insisted, but he had learned long, long ago not to question his clients' insanity too heavily. At least the boy seemed less depressed now. That was surely a good thing, assuming that a demon wasn't consuming his soul.

"If you say so…" he said in a dubious tone. "In any case, court is starting soon. We should get into our places." He stood slowly, heading for the door with a few glances back to make sure that Raito was following and hadn't suddenly grown claws or horns.

Raito smiled at him each time he looked back and followed after him obediently, but when Phoenix headed through the door at last, he allowed himself one last smirk.

Mikami had done well.

And from here on out, everything would go just as planned.

* * *

A/N: Two references to plans and things happening according to them in this chapter! I'm so proud of myself, even if I do hate myself for the point of view shift at the end there. Ah well. It made the ending work.

So, you might've noticed that this is chapter 10a and that this isn't a full court day. Well, I'm still trying to get myself in the right spirit for this, so it was best to halve this chapter for now. 10b will be up soon and actually like have Near in it. Finally.

Also, I couldn't stop imagining Mikami wearing a cravat during this entire chapter. No idea why.

…He could also carry a whip.


End file.
